The Importance Of Self Awareness

 

     True personal growth and development start with knowing how you are, not on a superficial level, but your authentic self. True self-awareness is also essential if one is looking to make meaningful lasting changes in their life. Most of us have an idea of who our true self is, the person hiding behind the convenient excuses we've constructed about ourselves. Unfortunately, most of us are afraid to put in the work needed for true self-discovery.      

     We live in a society that idealizes and promotes the notion of escapism, and you need to look no further than social media to see its effects. We are constantly being bombarded with competing images and sound bites looking to distract us with meaningless, sensationalized content. The ultimate goal of course is to distract us, misdirect our attention, and tell us not to worry about who we are just live the life 'they" have constructed for us. The social media influence in our lives along with the excuses we tell ourselves, combined to bring us to where we are today.   

     We must all somehow navigate all of this and find sources of information and inspiration that move us in the direction of discovering our true selves. Fortunately, we live in an age where the answer to our questions is at our fingertips. In order to fully utilize the resources around you, you must first need to ask the right questions. In order to ask the right questions, you need to first try to find out who you are. Here are is a tip you can use to help you start to gain a better understanding of who you are. I would start by writing down and tracking how you spend your time. Be sure this journal includes all areas of your life, work, family, friends, workouts, social media. Each week I would make a point to look back at the previous week's notes and begin making corrections where needed.  Remember, if you aren't aware of who you are it's hard to make the necessary and last changes needed.   

              

The Importance Of Mat Chat

     Most martial arts schools have some type of mat chat, where younger students, instructors, and coaches sit together as a group to discuss issues facing today's students. Topics such as developing good habits, communicating with confidence, and how to deal with bullies both in-person and online are discussed. I cannot emphasize enough how important these sessions are in helping equip our students with the information and emotional capacity need to deal with the ever-growing complexities of life. From my experience, I would say most schools only give this portion of student training a superficial amount of time at best. I would further state that these discussion times are crucial to student's overall development not just as a martial artist, but a happy, well-adjusted, and functioning members of society.

     Mat chats give students, instructors, and coaches the opportunity to discuss topics that we traditionally associate with martial arts training. Things like dealing with bullies, developing self-confidence, dealing with strangers, and sharpening one's focus. I would go one step further and say that these discussions have the ability to positively transform a student's life in a variety of other ways most may not associate these with these discussions.

     One of the first benefits that come to mind is that it helps students identify their feelings, and feel comfortable sharing them. I think we could all agree that a large portion of our society, including myself, have trouble identifying and expressing their feelings at times. Helping give students the tools and confidence to effectively identify and deal with their emotions helps them in so many ways. The negative impact that emotions such as fear, anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, have on a child or young person's life can substantially mitigate with these coping skills. Another beneficial consequence of students sharing their feelings in a peer setting is that they get to see that others feel and think just as they do, which is extremely therapeutic. It also gives students practice in the dying art of listening, not listening to respond, just listening for the sake of listening.

     If the time in these discussions is used effectively, we as instructors and coaches can address student issues such as critical thinking, healthy self-image, setting personal boundaries with others, the ability to distinguish healthy from toxic relationships, patients, compassion, and empathy for others, and the importance giving back. I, therefore, think it imperative that we as instructors, coaches, guides mentors, readjust the criteria under which we use to "teach" our students. It is our responsibility and obligation that we help to transform each of our student's lives in real, lasting, and positive ways that can be documented!    

            

     

           

The martial arts is in everything that we do.

     I don't think enough martial arts schools do a thorough enough job of explaining to their students how their training influences and impacts every aspect of their lives. We as instructors and school owners need to continually reinforce this message and demonstrate to our students the relevance of this interconnected relationship. 

     No other activity a child or adult participates in addresses as many of their needs as do martial arts. What sets martial arts apart from most, is that it is not simply an activity or sport, but rather a way of life. Over the centuries the training and philosophy of martial arts have been and adopted by various civilizations who saw its value as a guide to help live their lives. The samurai of feudal Japan were probably the most notable example of this.

     The benefits of training in the martial go beyond the standard benefits we often associate with it such as improved physical fitness, self-confidence, coordination, focus, self-control, courtesy, respect, and ability to defend oneself. Here are a few other, but no less important ways martial arts training is beneficial. It helps students set and accomplish goals, strengthen their resolve, diligence, and resilience. It also helps develop a culture of leadership where students strive to be leaders and positive role models for their families, friends, and community. It also helps give students the tools and confidence they need to help them identify and share their feelings, as well as understand the makeup of healthy relationships and setting boundaries. Lastly, martial arts is not solely focused on individual improvement and empowerment but also on fostering the idea of helping to do the same for those in their community. Students and parents need to see the value and relevancy of their training beyond what is typically associated with it.        

Redefining Self Defense

 

     As an industry, martial arts have held to narrow of a definition of what constitutes self-defense. In the traditional sense, self-defense has been looked at to mean the ability to protect one's self in a physical altercation. The concept of self-defense needs to be expanded to include concepts such as one's mental and physical health, critical thinking, social media, environment, and relationships.

     While teaching students how to protect themselves physically is very important, it is not something most martial arts students will face on a regular basis. What challenges students repeatedly face on a regular basis are their own emotions, social media, the food they eat, their physical environment, and relationships with others.

     We need to help our students be able to identify and understand their feelings and how to properly deal with them. We also need to teach our students that their feelings are ok, and more importantly, to talk about those feelings to mom, dad, spouse, teacher, or trusted adult. Children need our help in how to identifying and properly deal with potential online predators, and or cyberbullies. Our students need to know the importance of healthy eating, staying hydrated, and what that looks like. When I talk of one's physical environment I am not simply talking about where you physically live. Included within that is helping our students become aware of the fact that we are the stewards of this planet and what we can do to protect it. Students need to understand  "getting" along with others isn't simply a matter of being polite. They also need to understand the concept of setting boundaries, as well as helping them identify what constitutes an emotionally healthy relationship.

     It's time we as an industry widen our concept of self-defense and adopt a teaching curriculum that is more inclusive, and better serves our student's everyday realities and challenges.

                                               

                                                                                                                                Prof Lucarelli            

    

Fear Setting

 

     Here is a little tool I picked up from Tim Farris in his book Tools of Titians that I thought I would share with you. Anytime I run across a situation that makes me nervous and indecisive I use this formula which helps me define my anxieties and a plan of action to help deal with them.

     1) Write down what it is that is making you so anxious, including the worst-case seminar or if you were to do what your thinking of doing. Don't forget to include how likely your worst-case scenario is to actually happen.

     2) What would you have to do to get things back on track if the worst-case did happen.

     3) Write down the benefits to you of the worst-case scenario occurring, include the possibility of you being able to pull off even a moderate amount of success, including a scale from 1 to 10. 

     4) Imagine being fired from your job, what would you have to do to be secure financially. If you quit your job to follow a dream how could you get back to where you were financially.

     5) What are you putting off out of fear? Remember, what we fear the most is what we should most likely be doing. Define the worst case, accept it, and do it. A person's success in life is directly tied to how many uncomfortable conversations they are willing to have. Make a pact with yourself to do at least one thing a day that you fear.

     6) Write down what the cost to you is financially, emotionally, and physically for not taking or postponing action. If you don't pursue the things that excite you, where will you be in 1, 5, or 10 years. How will you feel knowing you allowed circumstances and the"likelihood" of perceived failures to dictate your actions.

     7) What exactly are you waiting for, if the answer is timing then the answer is more likely that you're afraid like most everyone else. Remember to measure the cost of not doing anything, realize the unlikelihood and repairability of most of the mistakes you may make, and go for it!

The Foundation.

     I'm hard pressed to find the words that adequately express how satisfying it is to finally see my vision, my passion come to life! I often find myself thinking how lucky I am to be were I am now, but to be honest luck played a very small part in that. Hard work, focus, determination, and most importantly, staying true to myself and my vision is what made the difference! Though I loved to be active, and enjoyed a wide range of sports as a child I was not athletically gifted. Instead I was intensely introspective and had intense feelings that I was put on this earth to help others in some way, to protect them and keep them safe. As I matured I came to realize that living a so called conventional 9 to 5 life held no interest for me. I was drawn to the ideals and concepts of altruism, morality, justice and compassion. It wasn't until I was in my early twenties that I discovered the essential piece in my life that would bring these various feelings into focus, help to galvanize a plan of action and start me off on this journey of a lifetime. Of course I am speaking of my discovery of the martial arts.   

We Begin!

     I think the sound of this rain has put me into a bit of a contemplative mood. It is still hard for me to believe that I am not only living out a dream, a passion, but that I am actually able to support myself with it! For many years my desire to share with others this beautiful art that is Jiu-Jitsu, was an enormous exercise in persistence, patients, determination and most importantly, belief in myself. I made very little financially for the first 10 or so years that I taught, it was a struggle to say the least! There were a few instances were I grew so tired of this struggle, of this grind, that I actually stepped away from teaching and training all together. I did this with the mistaken belief that my desire to share this incredible gift, this treasure that I had come to love so deeply was simply not meant to be. Fortunately, there was a part of me that was uncompromising and would not allow me to surrender so easily. With out exception, each and every time I walked away I invariably found myself feeling that I was not living my authentic life, not realizing and sharing what was in my being to do. Needless to say I am so very glad that in the end I choose not to settle, not to live a life half lived!